Site header image - ocean landscape

A Better Way

Center for Wellness

Doreen Van Leeuwen LMFT Relationship Specialist

PAGE CONTENTS

Bring Your Relationship to a Better Place!

(image of Doreen Van Leeuwen, LMFT)

Is bad communication ruining your relationship?

What are you fighting about, but not resolving?

Do you feel frustrated because your partner never listens to you?

Perhaps youíre even losing sleep over it. Tired, lonely, and confused.

Jim and Mary came in because they knew they needed something, but they didnít know what. Each described how much they wanted things to work out, but they were feeling pretty hopeless.

Jim started out: ďAll we do is bicker. We used to be best friends, and now either we argue or we just avoid each other. I go to bed after sheís gone to sleep, just so I donít have to hear it.Ē

Mary agreed: ďHeís right. Iíll even go to the gym after work so I donít have to go home yet. Itís bad for the kids, but so is our fighting in front of them. And weíre just getting so mean now.Ē

I could see the exhaustion on their faces, and hear the sadness in their voices.

Are you thinking about leaving?

On a good day you feel like working it out. You even have some hope. You think, ďWhen we get along, weíre so great together. Why canít it be like this all the time?Ē

You wish you could just get back to how it was before, when you were in love, happy and secure.

On a tough day, youíre telling yourself, enough is enough. You start to figure out how you can do this alone. Or you think about commitments, kids, finances... and feel overwhelmed.

Maybe youíve even tried separating.

You wouldn't be alone. Quite a few couples have short or even pretty long separations. After a particularly bad argument, one of you goes to your parentsí house for the night. Sometimes, a partner gets their own apartment for a while.

Sometimes it can even be helpful, and necessary to have a "cooling off" period. Especially when things are escalating to such high levels where screaming, frequent accusing, blaming, throwing objects, and threatening to hit, kick, or push, or actually doing so are involved.

"I donít know what to do to get through to him/her. Iíve used up all my options."

Youíve tried to talk reasonably. Gotten mad and shouted. Shut down so as not to make things worse. Pouted. Pleaded. Cried. Even apologized to try to fix it.

Maybe you donít want to tell anyone because of how embarrassing this is. You donít want friends, neighbors or your coworkers to know.

You donít know who to talk to and you want someone who can listen and help.

Or perhaps, you have talked to girlfriends, but every one says something different. Youíve asked your family. Some say, leave. Others say, stay together and do your best to make it work.

If youíre a guy, you probably havenít talked to anybody. The majority of men I see keep their problems to themselves. Itís just not the guy thing to discuss it. So youíre stuck trying to figure it out by yourself.

You need someone to talk to who will give you clear, honest, unbiased straightforward information in a safe and confidential setting.

Iím glad that you are reading this page. The kind of therapy I offer is so unique, that couples often report improvement in just several weeks. Thereís a bit of magic in what I teach: that magic is called empathy.

What you need more than anything else, is to know and believe that you matter to someone. Especially to your ďspecial someone.Ē

When couples discover how to put some love into the relationship in just the way the partner can receive it, a little revolution starts. I think of it like the revolution of hope.

There is help. And hope.

You can have the relationship you want. Yes. Yes,even with the partner you now have.

Iíd like to help the two of you get close again.

Each couple choosing to get help is doing one of the most courageous acts possible for their relationship.

Each time a couple starts on the journey to happiness, they are making a courageous decision to get real. Honest.

Sam and Larry, together for 14 years, want to know how to get close again. Sam, 41, has a busy job as a nurse at a major hospital and is all too happy for some down time after four 12-hour shifts. Larry, 43, is an outgoing guy who loves to plan social activities and parties with their many friends on the weekends.

Listening to them try to work this out, I quickly noticed how interrupting and sarcasm were stealing all the connection from their discussion. When I asked Larry how he felt after trying to talk with Sam, he said, ďDistant. Farther and farther apart. We donít understand each other.Ē

I specialize in helping couples understand each other again. As in, really, truly getting each other.

Iíve helped hundreds of couples learn the tools to listen and finally understand what the other person wants. And how to give it, without losing yourself in the process.

Is this something you want? Then donít wait any longer. Call, text or email me to get started.

Many couples muddle along completely alone and do one of two things: fight openly and frequently at home, or suppress all their feelings, trying desperately to act normal.

Does this sound like you?

Right now, you have the choice to start acting positively for you and your relationship.

Your well-being is AT STAKE. Thatís not all. The well-being of your committed partner and the relationship you both occupy is AT STAKE.

Relationships that were once loving and wonderful continue to dissolve at the highest rates ever (since measuring such things began). But yours doesnít need to be one of them! There is hope and help for troubled relationships.

Youíve heard it said, ď You can't solve a problem with the same level of mind that created it.Ē You need another mind-set to get out of the problem and into happiness.

I know how to guide you to that new mind-set. Iíve done it for hundreds of couples and I can do it with you.

Iíve heard it said that the best gift you can give your children is a happy relationship with their other parent.

Please call me at 951-847-7742 to get help now.